Nothing specifically to be celebrated, it is just that I got a job in the middle of my internship. Both of the employers are the same, Maxis Berhad.
I was really active in looking for job, so I should not be surprised with this outcome, however in fact I do actually!
Maxis always my dream workplace, cool people, cool place and cool remuneration too. I wanted to stay in Maxis so badly, until all my floor mates know about my determination of staying there. Just that I never thought that I will stay in Human Resource function, those who know me personally and well must be really wondering why I choose to remain in this once I claimed it-was-a-boredom but now an aspiration one? (not to that extent!) I don't really favour Human Resource, I think it is a little bit of P&C, which apparently I am not that mouth tighten! Initially I was looking some portfolio that is more lively, challenging and fast paced, but when every time I shoot this to the recruiter, they will automatically assume I am up to sales positions (although I do not put it in my no-list at first, but now with the excessive offers, it is in my no no list!). For recruiters that are slightly liberal, they will understand I am looking for other jobs that share these criteria, but well, this world does exist of intended deaf! I had an interview with one of a famous bank in Malaysia, the bank name started with P and ended with C (Clear enough rite?). It was really one of the unpleasant interview that I have ever had (emm..Adecco KL still rocks at the champion!)I really dislike people being irrespective, especially under the situation where both parties are looking for benefits, where make both parties no superiority nor inferiority (for those old-fashioned people, it is 21st century now, talents are highly valued in Talent Management Agency! keep the your rusty and aged philosophy away).
Back to the P-Bank, the recruiters (both are lady, just one is younger, one is older) stayed forever dead after I have been channeled my will as I am not ready to pick up the sales position, and probably my main interest is at Marketing (another stupid belief in Asian corporate, marketing = sales, Hallo! read up some books people, it is two different notions! although the final goal is the same!), I know it was my bad to mention about my passion in fast paced, stressful work, and challenging nature, and it had led to their misunderstanding, which I tried my best to be polite in the interview room, and comfort myself to be calm and tamed! I will never appreciate interview that one of the party do not respect another, I done my part, I have done my researches and preparation, I looked up a lot of information to be the top in the candidate pool! but some time people won't value that. Studied psychology doesn't mean I am good in PSYCHO people, I love analysis doesn't mean I want to apply that within the sales context, but the P-Bank recruiters assumed I studied psychology and owned the pre-requirement as could easily brain washed people to buy their products, wahahahaha Joker!
After P-Bank, it was another Bank, O-Bank!
2013年11月2日星期六
2013年9月23日星期一
all by myself
All by myself.
Some roads are destined to be walked alone; some decision meant to be made by one self; and some misery only could be understand all by myself.
when I was young, I never needed anyone. But those days had gone.
For some reasons, I personally prefer the Eric Carmen's version of All By Myself rather than Celion Dion's version. I love Eric's husky voice, and it really value up the whole song with extra doze of masculine and little bit melancholy. Then, I found myself lonely and totally immersed in the song. All by myself.
2013年9月22日星期日
It is about breaking the rule
In Mcdonald now, rushing the internship report that as scheduled by now should be in the hand of my lecturer. But students always want to challenge the unchallengeable, we trying to expand the limit of tolerance of lecturers. It is normal, and it is obligation to do so. (hahaha...)
I find myself superbly reluctant in producing this report, partially it is due to the complex feelings of this report brings to me, and another bigger part will be my out of academic tuning writing style, god knows how many times I had erased my drafts. I can't get the inspirations that usually be there when I need to write an academical report.
Drank too much of coffee, my stomach is cramping now, although it is still not to the extent of heavy soreness, but somehow it makes me feel not comfortable and I keep on losing my focus on the writing. Please give me 1 day that I can extremely focus on what I should do, I don't want to keep on having this pending, I am sicked of pending!
I should write more, but I need to do something more important....
just to leave a mark here, I am currently doing the Maxis Scholarship stuff...and I have so damn many of inquiries concerning with the scholarship! Story when I have the time~
2013年9月21日星期六
少壮不努力，老大徒悲哀。
小的时候不懂大人嘴里的一些道理，那时候特别觉得不关自己的事，甚至觉得那是耳边风。当年级逐渐长大，有一些事情发生了，才惊觉自己对于很多事情都只执著于感觉，说白一点，就为了那数十秒肾上腺素暴增的感觉。冲动的年少时，不觉得后悔是一个足以吞噬一个人的梦魇。
停下了脚步，回首这几年走过的路，其实也没有什么不好的，只是当我还在那个年级里面时，会误以为那些疯狂的年华便是我最向往的，当初的我真的这样以为着。在大学里，我算不上是成绩相当优秀的学生，但寒守挑灯我成绩其实已经很不错了，然后也参加了满多的活动，可以算是活出自己。
或许，在读着我部落格的你是本地公私立大专院校毕业的，你会觉得这样的曾经，其实已经值得白发苍苍时，回想然后细细回味，我当初也这样认为，直到我的视野因为工作而变得宽大，才看到身边一群群非常才华横溢的人，那种自卑感油然而生。
停下了脚步，回首这几年走过的路，其实也没有什么不好的，只是当我还在那个年级里面时，会误以为那些疯狂的年华便是我最向往的，当初的我真的这样以为着。在大学里，我算不上是成绩相当优秀的学生，但寒守挑灯我成绩其实已经很不错了，然后也参加了满多的活动，可以算是活出自己。
或许，在读着我部落格的你是本地公私立大专院校毕业的，你会觉得这样的曾经，其实已经值得白发苍苍时，回想然后细细回味，我当初也这样认为，直到我的视野因为工作而变得宽大，才看到身边一群群非常才华横溢的人，那种自卑感油然而生。
2013年9月19日星期四
Sicked like hell (I need a break)
I skipped my work again, it is already third time in my just less than 2 months internship. I am so screwed.
But really caught in very very bad sickness, I even missed the Public Bank Management Trainee interview, which I felt extremely ruined, luckily the person in charged understood about my situation, and put me into next week session, just pray harder my health will be fine at that time.
But really caught in very very bad sickness, I even missed the Public Bank Management Trainee interview, which I felt extremely ruined, luckily the person in charged understood about my situation, and put me into next week session, just pray harder my health will be fine at that time.
2013年8月29日星期四
Breaking down
When dawn is never here, I can easily feel that my soul is slowly breaking into molecules, and then vanish in the air, entirely.
I longing for a pause, a sudden stop than require no intention, where I can act freely as my will.
However, people will judge; people will not understand, eventually I might just become another mindless corpse in this cold city.
I enjoy looking at the sky, clouds and endless of blues. I get into the addiction especially when I came to this metropolitan. I can't breath in the middle of solid metals, and deadly corpses. So, I star at the sky, hoping to get more freedom, and a relieve.
A closed friend paid me visit this week, it was wonderful to have him in this adjusting period, his words, his concerns, make me temporary out of the grayness.
He left this early morning, and I am sort of alone again, which I need to used to this, eventually.
I longing for a pause, a sudden stop than require no intention, where I can act freely as my will.
However, people will judge; people will not understand, eventually I might just become another mindless corpse in this cold city.
I enjoy looking at the sky, clouds and endless of blues. I get into the addiction especially when I came to this metropolitan. I can't breath in the middle of solid metals, and deadly corpses. So, I star at the sky, hoping to get more freedom, and a relieve.
A closed friend paid me visit this week, it was wonderful to have him in this adjusting period, his words, his concerns, make me temporary out of the grayness.
He left this early morning, and I am sort of alone again, which I need to used to this, eventually.
2013年8月7日星期三
Old memories triggered - A misdialed
There is a kind of misery, that you will feel the pain for eternally.
He called. Someone who was really special for me during my secondary school. He was the one who once cheered me, led me, and helped me. At that particular moment, I thought the kindness of his will be forever, that both of us will pay our very best to preserve the friendship. However, the fragility of our relationship was getting more and more while times passed by. And until a day, we stopped talking, and stopped the long call that used to spend us a few hours everyday, the call was durable until our folks thought we were couple. Just in a sudden, every single details of us vanished entirely in the air, no more laughter because of talking bad about someone, and no more quarreling because of mine irresponsibility, and many other details, which I don't really and can't recall now.
I know it was him who called, I have not delete his number yet, it shown clearly on my phone, it was him who called. But I just pretend I lost his number, and stared being a jerk to ask who's on the line, it was totally a retarded move! his voice was as usual (he even sang for me through phone!how gay were we). I pretty confirmed it was a misdialed, and therefore in order to protect my easy-broken pride, vulnerable self-esteem, I pretend I don't know it was him.
He admitted it was really a misdialed, and we sort of like have some talking that obviously seemed both of us were so awkward. I lost all my basic communication skills, and he did not converse well too. Both of us were just don't know how to continue the conversation, it strike me hurtfully, we were once friend that shared no secret, yet we turned to be total stranger. God makes some changes through time flies, and this change was not something I like.
I still remembered, after years we did not talk, I called him for once, it was to confess every single thing I ever had after both us departed. His reaction was simple. He said, everything have passed, and life never returned, what had happened, we shall just keep it in the past. I could still hear his echoes of this harsh sentence. Since then, we barely talked, and times really do its job perfectly. We vanished from each others' life. Bufffh.
His call somehow trigger me a bit, especially at this hour, my immediate bosses are backed for Raya celebration. I sent him a message on Facebook, I still hoping for something, something like way back.
The air in the office is cold, I can strongly feel the coldness by inhaling it to my lung. Where you can easily tell the nonconformity of collision in between cold air and warmed body.
He called. Someone who was really special for me during my secondary school. He was the one who once cheered me, led me, and helped me. At that particular moment, I thought the kindness of his will be forever, that both of us will pay our very best to preserve the friendship. However, the fragility of our relationship was getting more and more while times passed by. And until a day, we stopped talking, and stopped the long call that used to spend us a few hours everyday, the call was durable until our folks thought we were couple. Just in a sudden, every single details of us vanished entirely in the air, no more laughter because of talking bad about someone, and no more quarreling because of mine irresponsibility, and many other details, which I don't really and can't recall now.
I know it was him who called, I have not delete his number yet, it shown clearly on my phone, it was him who called. But I just pretend I lost his number, and stared being a jerk to ask who's on the line, it was totally a retarded move! his voice was as usual (he even sang for me through phone!how gay were we). I pretty confirmed it was a misdialed, and therefore in order to protect my easy-broken pride, vulnerable self-esteem, I pretend I don't know it was him.
He admitted it was really a misdialed, and we sort of like have some talking that obviously seemed both of us were so awkward. I lost all my basic communication skills, and he did not converse well too. Both of us were just don't know how to continue the conversation, it strike me hurtfully, we were once friend that shared no secret, yet we turned to be total stranger. God makes some changes through time flies, and this change was not something I like.
I still remembered, after years we did not talk, I called him for once, it was to confess every single thing I ever had after both us departed. His reaction was simple. He said, everything have passed, and life never returned, what had happened, we shall just keep it in the past. I could still hear his echoes of this harsh sentence. Since then, we barely talked, and times really do its job perfectly. We vanished from each others' life. Bufffh.
His call somehow trigger me a bit, especially at this hour, my immediate bosses are backed for Raya celebration. I sent him a message on Facebook, I still hoping for something, something like way back.
The air in the office is cold, I can strongly feel the coldness by inhaling it to my lung. Where you can easily tell the nonconformity of collision in between cold air and warmed body.
I don't feel cold, yet I am shivering. The killing weapon to me is not firearms, but regret does.
2013年7月29日星期一
这城市不再冷
我是要死了，凌晨3点钟，我仍还未躺上床。
莫名其妙地在网络游荡，让我很幸运地找到了这个冷漠城市的一道曙光。
从Ms Tang那边，认识到了艺术的高标准，我是没有那种领悟能力去理解其中的云云，但那的确很夺目，很引人进入一种紧张的思绪，虽然不懂，但是感觉到了一些什么，还没来得及抓着，便似光速般飞逝了。
然后认识到了Anna Chong, 庄启馨。
原来马来西亚还没有落寞，至少曾经的我觉得无法在这么冷漠的城市里存活，我不想要苟且偷生的活着，我不想每天醒着只为了工作，还是最终的目标，赚更多的钱。金钱很重要，但最近我的灵魂好象已在猛烈地燃烧着所剩无几的生命，我知道再这样下去，我会是这城市里另一个僵尸。
Anna的声音有一种苍凉，一种很冷，却可以很温暖的感动。
不过我也不过听了两首歌，已经有想哭的冲动。感恩，我还能够哭泣。
王蓝茵也好久不见了，通过Anna那里，知道她们有一个巡演，叫做【Just Play! 簡單玩 。玩簡單】音樂巡演。一起玩的，还有十一号月台，我听了好几首歌，也是让我很感动很感动的，原来这个城市里还有牵动我脉搏的东西。
自从进入大学过后，很隐藏自己的需要，因为我不应该不需要。更多的是，我不敢要，这样的需要不太符合主流意识，别人不会因此而觉得你很有才气，反之会认为你在瞎掰。
另外，我很羡慕一位朋友，他到nepal背包流浪去了，去大概一个月。我在想，什么时候会到我流浪去？大概，对于正步入社会的我来说，灵魂的重量不应该是一个考量，钱包的重量比较符合经济效益。
莫名其妙地在网络游荡，让我很幸运地找到了这个冷漠城市的一道曙光。
从Ms Tang那边，认识到了艺术的高标准，我是没有那种领悟能力去理解其中的云云，但那的确很夺目，很引人进入一种紧张的思绪，虽然不懂，但是感觉到了一些什么，还没来得及抓着，便似光速般飞逝了。
然后认识到了Anna Chong, 庄启馨。
原来马来西亚还没有落寞，至少曾经的我觉得无法在这么冷漠的城市里存活，我不想要苟且偷生的活着，我不想每天醒着只为了工作，还是最终的目标，赚更多的钱。金钱很重要，但最近我的灵魂好象已在猛烈地燃烧着所剩无几的生命，我知道再这样下去，我会是这城市里另一个僵尸。
Anna的声音有一种苍凉，一种很冷，却可以很温暖的感动。
不过我也不过听了两首歌，已经有想哭的冲动。感恩，我还能够哭泣。
王蓝茵也好久不见了，通过Anna那里，知道她们有一个巡演，叫做【Just Play! 簡單玩 。玩簡單】音樂巡演。一起玩的，还有十一号月台，我听了好几首歌，也是让我很感动很感动的，原来这个城市里还有牵动我脉搏的东西。
自从进入大学过后，很隐藏自己的需要，因为我不应该不需要。更多的是，我不敢要，这样的需要不太符合主流意识，别人不会因此而觉得你很有才气，反之会认为你在瞎掰。
另外，我很羡慕一位朋友，他到nepal背包流浪去了，去大概一个月。我在想，什么时候会到我流浪去？大概，对于正步入社会的我来说，灵魂的重量不应该是一个考量，钱包的重量比较符合经济效益。
对于一些事情，能力范围能及的话，不要等待，做了才来想接下来的问题。因为时间不会等待，身份不会重来。各位，晚安。（很高兴我找了一些灵魂的火花。）
2013年7月28日星期日
3 days to 1 month
First of all, thanks for all the friends that are always concerned about me living in KL, I can't say I really fine as usual, probably needed more time to adapt to this huge economic hub (or in another meaning, cold+scary city). I thought I only need a little bit of time to fit into the KL life, but in fact the duration seems to slightly prolong a bit ( just a bit, yup, be positive!!).
let me story what had happened since I moved to KL.
I started my KL life as a valueless intern at Maxis Berhad, I have been posting under the wing of HR and Talent Management (actually originally I am interning under talent management only, Talent office then merged with HR, Maxis really been through alot this year, CEO resigned, Promised next-to-be CEO ditched us and flied back to Netherland or Australia, Joint COO disappeared with silly excuse, a lot of senior managers turnovered, in short CRISIS!). To be frank, I should feel blessed with seems-to-be extra workloads, in real I don't even feel busy since I get into Maxis! everyday I am dealing with some monotonous documenting task, which initially I really have no idea why I am doing this, but later on after a short lunch with an experienced HR colleague, hehehehehe, now I know why, but not going to disclose it now, it is P&C!(hahahahah, HR people's privilege, everything is P&C)
I know so well that my low job satisfaction is due to the light workload and cold environment in Maxis! I must admit that I am a kind of people that required of stressful working pressure, and normal environment. I am easily shaped by the environment, if the environment is lazy, I might project myself like the casual me. I know when life gives you lemon, you need to make it lemonade. But I really too immersed in my shell lately, I covered myself with too much of protection, which somehow indirectly giving people a hint to not come close to me, but I just don't know the way to live in this monstrous, strange, new place, I am lost, thoroughly!
I planned a lot of things to do in the coming month, attend course at coursera, complete the required e-learning from Maxis, start doing my internship report, and buy the summarised MBA books to train up my business mindset!!
Beside of my internship life, everything is fine. I think.
it is okay to have a bad start, but I believe in myself, I will do my best to alter this situation.
Tomorrow will be a better day, as long as you really put in effort to change it!
p.s Emm..I don't know whether you are still reading my blog, but I really hope we can friend again, let the past be in the past, okay?
let me story what had happened since I moved to KL.
I started my KL life as a valueless intern at Maxis Berhad, I have been posting under the wing of HR and Talent Management (actually originally I am interning under talent management only, Talent office then merged with HR, Maxis really been through alot this year, CEO resigned, Promised next-to-be CEO ditched us and flied back to Netherland or Australia, Joint COO disappeared with silly excuse, a lot of senior managers turnovered, in short CRISIS!). To be frank, I should feel blessed with seems-to-be extra workloads, in real I don't even feel busy since I get into Maxis! everyday I am dealing with some monotonous documenting task, which initially I really have no idea why I am doing this, but later on after a short lunch with an experienced HR colleague, hehehehehe, now I know why, but not going to disclose it now, it is P&C!(hahahahah, HR people's privilege, everything is P&C)
I know so well that my low job satisfaction is due to the light workload and cold environment in Maxis! I must admit that I am a kind of people that required of stressful working pressure, and normal environment. I am easily shaped by the environment, if the environment is lazy, I might project myself like the casual me. I know when life gives you lemon, you need to make it lemonade. But I really too immersed in my shell lately, I covered myself with too much of protection, which somehow indirectly giving people a hint to not come close to me, but I just don't know the way to live in this monstrous, strange, new place, I am lost, thoroughly!
I planned a lot of things to do in the coming month, attend course at coursera, complete the required e-learning from Maxis, start doing my internship report, and buy the summarised MBA books to train up my business mindset!!
Beside of my internship life, everything is fine. I think.
it is okay to have a bad start, but I believe in myself, I will do my best to alter this situation.
Tomorrow will be a better day, as long as you really put in effort to change it!
p.s Emm..I don't know whether you are still reading my blog, but I really hope we can friend again, let the past be in the past, okay?
2013年5月22日星期三
Dahmer
It is not something new about me obsessively watching Serial Killer's movie.
Just to clarify, I am not a psychopath who wanted pursue my interest after them, for me it is somehow quite interesting in analysis their intention, behavior (especially why they commit sadistic crimes).
okay, let's get some bridging about the focus of the movie "Dahmer". The protagonist named as Jeffrey Dahmer (finger-crossed, I am kind of having prejudice towards person who called as Jeffrey, probably will confirm not naming my child as Jeffrey. Seriously having bad bad bad impression to Jeffrey). he has committed killing on a dozen plus of people, and all of them were guys, Jeffrey himself is gay, and his sexual preference is a bit too not-laymanly. He needs extraordinary trigger to get sexually arouse, especially bathing in blood, eating corpse (yes, cannibalism, try google cannibalism, the top in list of related person is Jeffrey Dahmer)and etc, mostly related to pervert acts.
That was a scene in the movie which make me feel so so so sick, he literally drilled a living person(on drug dy, so maybe not in pain gua~~) head!!!I mean it is something so SAW, shouldn't movie be not that closed to our life? my mom used to say, ceh!it is just movie, it is not real!!but hallo!!this really happened!!cognition clashes over here, need some time to calm down.
My girl was a bit scared to my recent over-obsession on serial killer, hehehehe...(it is good to freak her out,let her know how terrible if you Kacau a man!!!)
I was jotting down some notes while watching the movie, will try to put it here.
Jeffrey Dahmer
Homosexual
Hid victim's skull in a wooden box (Classical yet anomalous)
owned a headless manicant in closet (emm..he stole it to be precise)
early signs of serial killer
violent (which I met this perfectly)
uncontrolled anger
excessive aggression
stay at home when parent invite for outing?(anti-socialize)
Reading through the materials of serial killers, it somehow pop out an idea in my mind, perhaps Forensic Psychology sounds funny to me, and I don't mind to spend my whole life in studying killers (although it's actually sounds weird here,hehehe)
BTW and FYI, 3 more weeks to go for graduation and soon to posting at Maxis.
Just to clarify, I am not a psychopath who wanted pursue my interest after them, for me it is somehow quite interesting in analysis their intention, behavior (especially why they commit sadistic crimes).
okay, let's get some bridging about the focus of the movie "Dahmer". The protagonist named as Jeffrey Dahmer (finger-crossed, I am kind of having prejudice towards person who called as Jeffrey, probably will confirm not naming my child as Jeffrey. Seriously having bad bad bad impression to Jeffrey). he has committed killing on a dozen plus of people, and all of them were guys, Jeffrey himself is gay, and his sexual preference is a bit too not-laymanly. He needs extraordinary trigger to get sexually arouse, especially bathing in blood, eating corpse (yes, cannibalism, try google cannibalism, the top in list of related person is Jeffrey Dahmer)and etc, mostly related to pervert acts.
That was a scene in the movie which make me feel so so so sick, he literally drilled a living person(on drug dy, so maybe not in pain gua~~) head!!!I mean it is something so SAW, shouldn't movie be not that closed to our life? my mom used to say, ceh!it is just movie, it is not real!!but hallo!!this really happened!!cognition clashes over here, need some time to calm down.
My girl was a bit scared to my recent over-obsession on serial killer, hehehehe...(it is good to freak her out,let her know how terrible if you Kacau a man!!!)
I was jotting down some notes while watching the movie, will try to put it here.
Jeffrey Dahmer
Homosexual
Hid victim's skull in a wooden box (Classical yet anomalous)
owned a headless manicant in closet (emm..he stole it to be precise)
early signs of serial killer
violent (which I met this perfectly)
uncontrolled anger
excessive aggression
stay at home when parent invite for outing?(anti-socialize)
Reading through the materials of serial killers, it somehow pop out an idea in my mind, perhaps Forensic Psychology sounds funny to me, and I don't mind to spend my whole life in studying killers (although it's actually sounds weird here,hehehe)
BTW and FYI, 3 more weeks to go for graduation and soon to posting at Maxis.
2013年5月21日星期二
2013年5月17日星期五
天使
今天睡醒时，心情还是不好，大概昨晚的颓累还未洗去，也可能是我还耿耿于怀，始终理清谷中的逻辑。
但是，自我到书房打打写写功课之余时，许多位的天使安插在我身边，为我苦闷的心情慢慢地弄走。
第一位天使，我的GP，gay partner。我想，他大概是看到了我昨晚在面子书上写的东西，所以仅这一天耍嘴皮子，向我卖乖。尽管有点恶心，但是听了心还是甜甜的。那一下子真的有一种有他在身边的感觉真的不错。
第二位天使是一位冰雪天使，就看上去，他的人的确是冰冰冷冷的，好像有一种冰霜美人的模样，而实在也的确有拒人于千外之意。我和她最近一直处在断断续续联络的状况，我们一直以来都很好，但是我们都分隔两地，而且各自都在忙碌巢着自己梦想堡垒，联络自然不会很频密。曾经我们都认清这种相处模式，并认为这样的方式对我们之间很好。反正我们是那种重质多过于重量的朋友，其实事实证明了，事情不能这样如意。少了联系，便会莫名地感到陌生，虽然彼此无这样的意思，但是时间总是在着一些什么。幸运的是，我们最后又找回彼此了，我想说虽然人家常说朋友不能一辈子，但无疑的是对着你，对着我，我们总有一种无需多以解释的默契。且，有深深地认为有你真好。
第三位天使是我的不同父不同母的兄弟。这辈子能够认识他，我真的觉得自己很受幸运之神眷恋。至少，从很本质的基础上看，我和他绝对原自于不同的世界。但在很多时候，就算是不同世界的人，也能碰撞在一起，制作出令人喷饭、喷血、愉悦、伤心的事情。他是那种，你知道这一辈子永远都不会背叛你的人，唯独对他，那种坦荡荡可以到这么直接。无论他到了这个世界的那一个角落，我都能够确信我们能够好好的，永远地相知相惜。
第四位天使，我不想说什么，她是一位特别的人，对她有着一些亏欠、怜悯与厌恶。
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