When dawn is never here, I can easily feel that my soul is slowly breaking into molecules, and then vanish in the air, entirely.
I longing for a pause, a sudden stop than require no intention, where I can act freely as my will.
However, people will judge; people will not understand, eventually I might just become another mindless corpse in this cold city.
I enjoy looking at the sky, clouds and endless of blues. I get into the addiction especially when I came to this metropolitan. I can't breath in the middle of solid metals, and deadly corpses. So, I star at the sky, hoping to get more freedom, and a relieve.
A closed friend paid me visit this week, it was wonderful to have him in this adjusting period, his words, his concerns, make me temporary out of the grayness.
He left this early morning, and I am sort of alone again, which I need to used to this, eventually.
2013年8月29日星期四
2013年8月7日星期三
Old memories triggered - A misdialed
There is a kind of misery, that you will feel the pain for eternally.
He called. Someone who was really special for me during my secondary school. He was the one who once cheered me, led me, and helped me. At that particular moment, I thought the kindness of his will be forever, that both of us will pay our very best to preserve the friendship. However, the fragility of our relationship was getting more and more while times passed by. And until a day, we stopped talking, and stopped the long call that used to spend us a few hours everyday, the call was durable until our folks thought we were couple. Just in a sudden, every single details of us vanished entirely in the air, no more laughter because of talking bad about someone, and no more quarreling because of mine irresponsibility, and many other details, which I don't really and can't recall now.
I know it was him who called, I have not delete his number yet, it shown clearly on my phone, it was him who called. But I just pretend I lost his number, and stared being a jerk to ask who's on the line, it was totally a retarded move! his voice was as usual (he even sang for me through phone!how gay were we). I pretty confirmed it was a misdialed, and therefore in order to protect my easy-broken pride, vulnerable self-esteem, I pretend I don't know it was him.
He admitted it was really a misdialed, and we sort of like have some talking that obviously seemed both of us were so awkward. I lost all my basic communication skills, and he did not converse well too. Both of us were just don't know how to continue the conversation, it strike me hurtfully, we were once friend that shared no secret, yet we turned to be total stranger. God makes some changes through time flies, and this change was not something I like.
I still remembered, after years we did not talk, I called him for once, it was to confess every single thing I ever had after both us departed. His reaction was simple. He said, everything have passed, and life never returned, what had happened, we shall just keep it in the past. I could still hear his echoes of this harsh sentence. Since then, we barely talked, and times really do its job perfectly. We vanished from each others' life. Bufffh.
His call somehow trigger me a bit, especially at this hour, my immediate bosses are backed for Raya celebration. I sent him a message on Facebook, I still hoping for something, something like way back.
The air in the office is cold, I can strongly feel the coldness by inhaling it to my lung. Where you can easily tell the nonconformity of collision in between cold air and warmed body.
He called. Someone who was really special for me during my secondary school. He was the one who once cheered me, led me, and helped me. At that particular moment, I thought the kindness of his will be forever, that both of us will pay our very best to preserve the friendship. However, the fragility of our relationship was getting more and more while times passed by. And until a day, we stopped talking, and stopped the long call that used to spend us a few hours everyday, the call was durable until our folks thought we were couple. Just in a sudden, every single details of us vanished entirely in the air, no more laughter because of talking bad about someone, and no more quarreling because of mine irresponsibility, and many other details, which I don't really and can't recall now.
I know it was him who called, I have not delete his number yet, it shown clearly on my phone, it was him who called. But I just pretend I lost his number, and stared being a jerk to ask who's on the line, it was totally a retarded move! his voice was as usual (he even sang for me through phone!how gay were we). I pretty confirmed it was a misdialed, and therefore in order to protect my easy-broken pride, vulnerable self-esteem, I pretend I don't know it was him.
He admitted it was really a misdialed, and we sort of like have some talking that obviously seemed both of us were so awkward. I lost all my basic communication skills, and he did not converse well too. Both of us were just don't know how to continue the conversation, it strike me hurtfully, we were once friend that shared no secret, yet we turned to be total stranger. God makes some changes through time flies, and this change was not something I like.
I still remembered, after years we did not talk, I called him for once, it was to confess every single thing I ever had after both us departed. His reaction was simple. He said, everything have passed, and life never returned, what had happened, we shall just keep it in the past. I could still hear his echoes of this harsh sentence. Since then, we barely talked, and times really do its job perfectly. We vanished from each others' life. Bufffh.
His call somehow trigger me a bit, especially at this hour, my immediate bosses are backed for Raya celebration. I sent him a message on Facebook, I still hoping for something, something like way back.
The air in the office is cold, I can strongly feel the coldness by inhaling it to my lung. Where you can easily tell the nonconformity of collision in between cold air and warmed body.
I don't feel cold, yet I am shivering. The killing weapon to me is not firearms, but regret does.
订阅：
博文 (Atom)