在很忙的日子裡，我學會很盲。
已經逐漸地放棄了喜歡的事情，儘管只是很無謂地假裝自己很有品味。
閱讀不過假裝，只為逃離現實。年紀大了，一直無法理直氣壯地寫著一些很露骨的東西，即時是關於自己的喜好，若寫了便覺得格外噁心，好像在此地無銀三百兩一樣，想起也就毛骨悚然了。
話說，我有一位朋友，特別喜歡幹這種事情，某種程度上他也莫過要表達自己，讓別人更了解他。
不懂為何，當還未看到他所寫的事情前，我還可以很中立地對待他，但一旦看到了他所言論的，便會覺得噁心、反胃。我實在不慣看別人刻意地吹捧自己，當然問題也出在他身上。
自大學畢業後，都已經快接近一年了。從一開始戰戰兢兢地到現在浮浮沉沉地，在我身上的改變就我來說，我不認為是件好事。一年前，我可算是截至現在最為高潮的日子，受人相信，絕對是位受人重用的有為青年。
轉換了跑道後，從象牙塔中逃了出來，才發現自己只為了一時的好奇心而讓我盡失所有，身份、信心與自我意識良好。我不會認為工作是一種選擇，他始終還是在生命佔據了舉重輕重的位置，就這麼自然的發生了，最後也變沉淪在漩渦中，漸漸失去自我。工作使我時而憂愁時而愉悅，但總的來說我憂愁又比愉悅來的濃重、來的轟烈。
這也不完全是因為不喜歡現在的工作內容，只是偶爾會埋怨自己的所為，感覺做的事情就不夠重要。無法從中找到自我肯定，才迫使自己一直反問自己，到底喜歡的工作是什麼。但到底我其實還是因為不喜歡工作，我認為工作是一種束縛，困住了我自由的發展；困住了我想像的空間。
有種感覺牽引著我，我其實還好，只是有點傷感。
2014年5月26日星期一
我
我是谁？
我吸烟。我阅读。我听流行音乐。我爱美食。我尝试成为素食者。我热爱另类、却喜欢大众口味。我模糊着一些事情。我喜欢独特存在的我。
最近与女友在解决一些关系上和个人修为上的问题，总以为能够谈谈地讨论问题，可每每双方都大动肝火，吵得不可开交。她认为，她的存在是独一无二的，所以改变是无必要的；但，我忠信改变是不会失去自我，反而能让自我进步。理念的分歧就从这么一个小议题，然后如70年代港剧般浮夸，喋喋不休地上演着。吵架的后来，她质问我；我是谁。
对，这是一个好问题，会展延出无限幻想与思考的哲学题，而其实他也很生活化的，我想几乎每一个人有曾经有过这样的疑问。在芸芸众生、大千时代当中，“我”是以什么定义的？而“我”又该从什么角色去定位。
Erik Erikson的身份理论当中，寻找身份的年龄差不多是介于青少年到成人之间这段时间，但在我环视身边友人之后，我会发觉在我这个年纪当中，好象每一位都在寻找着“自己”，在很实在的找寻着“我”是谁这个问题。当然，有一些很坚定的人，他们能够清楚地了解，“我”所追求的是什么，但我不禁疑问，“我”难道可以经由所追求的方向来阐释的吗？
2014年3月24日星期一
Julie & Julia again
I have great obsession on foods, everything related to food is attractive to me, cookbooks, ingredients, and etc. I just need to admit the fact that I am truly and badly in love with the notion of food across of any forms of it.
Re-watched one of my favourite movie about cooking - Julie & Julia. Surprisingly, I got something new this time. Last time I haven't really think much after watching the movie,I was too immersed in the atmosphere and impressed with Julie's determination, and somehow lacking of some common logical thinking on the details of the movie. This time was different, with the idea of the storyline has been permanently molded into my mind, and so I have more gaps to think and process. And I was fully rewarded with wisdom this time.
About Julie's project, Julia was having her own thoughts on it, through her Editor, her Editor and she thought that, "Flinging around four-letter words when cooking isn't attractive, to me or Julia. She didn't want to endorse it. What came through on the blog was somebody who was doing it almost for the sake of a stunt. She would never really describe the end results, how delicious it was, and what she learned. Julia didn’t like what she called 'the flimsies'. She didn't suffer fools, if you know what I mean."
I love Julie, the one in the movie (I started hate the real Julie after I learned that she divorced Eric), and for sure I incredibly fallen in love with Julia. I think I kind of understand Julia's stand on the whole project. It wasn't really about the recipes, it is about the love, details, concern, attention, insights, discoveries, appreciation found on the process of realizing the recipes, it wasn't always about the measurement and ingredient, sometimes it is about the appreciation, affection you have put and gain throughout the whole cooking. We could learn cooking, but it is more important that we learn the happiness of cooking, and appreciate it.
People, Bon Appetit.
Re-watched one of my favourite movie about cooking - Julie & Julia. Surprisingly, I got something new this time. Last time I haven't really think much after watching the movie,I was too immersed in the atmosphere and impressed with Julie's determination, and somehow lacking of some common logical thinking on the details of the movie. This time was different, with the idea of the storyline has been permanently molded into my mind, and so I have more gaps to think and process. And I was fully rewarded with wisdom this time.
About Julie's project, Julia was having her own thoughts on it, through her Editor, her Editor and she thought that, "Flinging around four-letter words when cooking isn't attractive, to me or Julia. She didn't want to endorse it. What came through on the blog was somebody who was doing it almost for the sake of a stunt. She would never really describe the end results, how delicious it was, and what she learned. Julia didn’t like what she called 'the flimsies'. She didn't suffer fools, if you know what I mean."
I love Julie, the one in the movie (I started hate the real Julie after I learned that she divorced Eric), and for sure I incredibly fallen in love with Julia. I think I kind of understand Julia's stand on the whole project. It wasn't really about the recipes, it is about the love, details, concern, attention, insights, discoveries, appreciation found on the process of realizing the recipes, it wasn't always about the measurement and ingredient, sometimes it is about the appreciation, affection you have put and gain throughout the whole cooking. We could learn cooking, but it is more important that we learn the happiness of cooking, and appreciate it.
People, Bon Appetit.
2013年11月2日星期六
I've got a job 1
Nothing specifically to be celebrated, it is just that I got a job in the middle of my internship. Both of the employers are the same, Maxis Berhad.
I was really active in looking for job, so I should not be surprised with this outcome, however in fact I do actually!
Maxis always my dream workplace, cool people, cool place and cool remuneration too. I wanted to stay in Maxis so badly, until all my floor mates know about my determination of staying there. Just that I never thought that I will stay in Human Resource function, those who know me personally and well must be really wondering why I choose to remain in this once I claimed it-was-a-boredom but now an aspiration one? (not to that extent!) I don't really favour Human Resource, I think it is a little bit of P&C, which apparently I am not that mouth tighten! Initially I was looking some portfolio that is more lively, challenging and fast paced, but when every time I shoot this to the recruiter, they will automatically assume I am up to sales positions (although I do not put it in my no-list at first, but now with the excessive offers, it is in my no no list!). For recruiters that are slightly liberal, they will understand I am looking for other jobs that share these criteria, but well, this world does exist of intended deaf! I had an interview with one of a famous bank in Malaysia, the bank name started with P and ended with C (Clear enough rite?). It was really one of the unpleasant interview that I have ever had (emm..Adecco KL still rocks at the champion!)I really dislike people being irrespective, especially under the situation where both parties are looking for benefits, where make both parties no superiority nor inferiority (for those old-fashioned people, it is 21st century now, talents are highly valued in Talent Management Agency! keep the your rusty and aged philosophy away).
Back to the P-Bank, the recruiters (both are lady, just one is younger, one is older) stayed forever dead after I have been channeled my will as I am not ready to pick up the sales position, and probably my main interest is at Marketing (another stupid belief in Asian corporate, marketing = sales, Hallo! read up some books people, it is two different notions! although the final goal is the same!), I know it was my bad to mention about my passion in fast paced, stressful work, and challenging nature, and it had led to their misunderstanding, which I tried my best to be polite in the interview room, and comfort myself to be calm and tamed! I will never appreciate interview that one of the party do not respect another, I done my part, I have done my researches and preparation, I looked up a lot of information to be the top in the candidate pool! but some time people won't value that. Studied psychology doesn't mean I am good in PSYCHO people, I love analysis doesn't mean I want to apply that within the sales context, but the P-Bank recruiters assumed I studied psychology and owned the pre-requirement as could easily brain washed people to buy their products, wahahahaha Joker!
After P-Bank, it was another Bank, O-Bank!
I was really active in looking for job, so I should not be surprised with this outcome, however in fact I do actually!
Maxis always my dream workplace, cool people, cool place and cool remuneration too. I wanted to stay in Maxis so badly, until all my floor mates know about my determination of staying there. Just that I never thought that I will stay in Human Resource function, those who know me personally and well must be really wondering why I choose to remain in this once I claimed it-was-a-boredom but now an aspiration one? (not to that extent!) I don't really favour Human Resource, I think it is a little bit of P&C, which apparently I am not that mouth tighten! Initially I was looking some portfolio that is more lively, challenging and fast paced, but when every time I shoot this to the recruiter, they will automatically assume I am up to sales positions (although I do not put it in my no-list at first, but now with the excessive offers, it is in my no no list!). For recruiters that are slightly liberal, they will understand I am looking for other jobs that share these criteria, but well, this world does exist of intended deaf! I had an interview with one of a famous bank in Malaysia, the bank name started with P and ended with C (Clear enough rite?). It was really one of the unpleasant interview that I have ever had (emm..Adecco KL still rocks at the champion!)I really dislike people being irrespective, especially under the situation where both parties are looking for benefits, where make both parties no superiority nor inferiority (for those old-fashioned people, it is 21st century now, talents are highly valued in Talent Management Agency! keep the your rusty and aged philosophy away).
Back to the P-Bank, the recruiters (both are lady, just one is younger, one is older) stayed forever dead after I have been channeled my will as I am not ready to pick up the sales position, and probably my main interest is at Marketing (another stupid belief in Asian corporate, marketing = sales, Hallo! read up some books people, it is two different notions! although the final goal is the same!), I know it was my bad to mention about my passion in fast paced, stressful work, and challenging nature, and it had led to their misunderstanding, which I tried my best to be polite in the interview room, and comfort myself to be calm and tamed! I will never appreciate interview that one of the party do not respect another, I done my part, I have done my researches and preparation, I looked up a lot of information to be the top in the candidate pool! but some time people won't value that. Studied psychology doesn't mean I am good in PSYCHO people, I love analysis doesn't mean I want to apply that within the sales context, but the P-Bank recruiters assumed I studied psychology and owned the pre-requirement as could easily brain washed people to buy their products, wahahahaha Joker!
After P-Bank, it was another Bank, O-Bank!
2013年9月23日星期一
all by myself
All by myself.
Some roads are destined to be walked alone; some decision meant to be made by one self; and some misery only could be understand all by myself.
when I was young, I never needed anyone. But those days had gone.
For some reasons, I personally prefer the Eric Carmen's version of All By Myself rather than Celion Dion's version. I love Eric's husky voice, and it really value up the whole song with extra doze of masculine and little bit melancholy. Then, I found myself lonely and totally immersed in the song. All by myself.
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